A common challenge the women I have coached tell me about is they know they want something more, but they can’t come up with anything. In these instances, I usually find that their brains are running on auto-pilot (and have been for a while). They’re going through the day-to-day motions, without much intentional thought. They’ve forgotten that they once had dreams and goals that they intentionally came up with, but they can’t really hear their own voice any more.
This happens when we ignore our own voice for a long time. It’s no surprise, however, because we’ve been programmed to listen to other voices for so long, we don’t even realize that’s what is happening. This is so common! If you think about it, it started way back in childhood when we were taught to listen to adults (parents, teachers, etc.). As adults, we’re bombarded with things to think and believe all day with advertisements, social media, and even the news.
The way our brains are wired, we’ll pick up on something we’ve heard or seen, whether in an ad, on T.V., from a parent, a coworker, or significant other. It can be a comment that was meant to be harmless, but our brains will pick it up and think on it over and over until we’re not even aware we’re thinking it anymore. Yet it’s driving how we do things day in and day out, essentially running our lives on auto-pilot. Much the way our brain does for tasks we repeat all the time – such as driving.
I’ll give you an example of when this happened to me in a powerful way. I was restless as a young parent, even though I was finishing my MBA, working full time, and had two small daughters and a husband to care for. I hadn’t yet fully “arrived”, but had some success and could see myself on my way up in the corporate world. When I tried to explain this feeling of restlessness to my well-meaning counselor, I was sadly told that I’d better stop looking elsewhere for something to satisfy, and just appreciate what I have.
Sadly, while I’m sure well-intended, it was terrible advice for me. I felt shame for wanting more, as if somehow my desire for more detracted from how much I loved and cared for my family. For years, I let her be the voice in my head (tamping down the adventurous side of me), all the while leaving me feeling secretly miserable! Thankfully I figured out that there’s absolutely nothing that says if you love and appreciate and are grateful for what you have – that you can’t also want more.
It took me years before I even became aware that I was repeating her words in my mind, over and over every day. So it was really hard for me to pinpoint what was causing me misery. I had scripted my life around her belief. And this is so common! When we do this, it has implications in all areas of our life.
If you are a functioning adult, NOBODY but you knows what’s right for you to think and believe. You get to decide. If you took me up on my last challenge and have been taking 5-10 minutes every day to write, great! If not, don’t worry, now’s the time to start. I want you to listen for the top 3 sentences that you hear popping into your mind, focusing on this idea of there being more to life. Again, don’t filter or worry about what comes up, just listen and then get it out on paper. If you have more or less than 3 that’s ok too. But spend the next 5 days doing this exercise. And again, I want to hear what you’re discovering, so let me know through the comments below. Don’t forget to sign up if you want to get an email when I post a new blog.
I have the experience and tools to help you dive deeper into this and discover what’s more for you. Schedule time with me today!