It’s becoming a popular concept that despite our powerful desire to always get things right, failure is actually a good thing. This is because it’s the only way we learn and grow. If we think about this intellectually it makes sense. During the process of learning, by definition, you don’t know what you’re doing or how to do a thing at first, so of course you’re going to get things wrong – aka fail. But this is so hard for many of us to actually be ok with. When things go wrong, we feel terrible, and then we beat ourselves up about it, doubling down on the feeling terrible. No wonder we’re rarely willing to try anything new if we fear we may fail.
I think most of us understand too, that from a very young age we have been programmed to get things right – to not fail. In our homes, churches, educational systems, and jobs, we’re taught the rules and that we must follow the rules, or else we have failed and get in some kind of trouble. On a big scale we understand the need for rules, because we need to have some kind of structure to have a functioning society, and even in the smaller units that make up society.
The problem is we’ve carried the fear that comes with thinking it’s not ok to fail into every aspect of our lives. And we limit what we will do in life because of this fear. In our minds, and only in our minds, it’s simply not ok to fail.
But in order to figure out what’s next, we have to be willing to try some things, allowing ourselves to feel the fear of the possibility of failure, and do the thing anyway. Instead of beating ourselves up, we see it as an opportunity to learn. Then we do the next thing. This is how we learn and grow and eventually achieve amazing things in our lives.
What’s something you recently didn’t do because you were afraid you might fail – or you were simply afraid. Afraid to be embarrassed, afraid of ‘doing it wrong’? Sometimes our thoughts related to the fear of failure can be a little more sneaky, like “I’m too old to try this,” or “I’m too young,” and the two people thinking these different thoughts are the same age!
Another is “I tried in the past and it didn’t work.” These are sneaky because the desire for what we want may come up, then these thoughts immediately follow and unless we’re paying attention we don’t even notice, and instead of questioning them, we just take them as truth and stop right there.
Sometimes just being aware of this, then pausing to question what we’re thinking, is enough to give us courage to take the next step. Questioning if what we’re thinking is even true, or asking what we’re making it mean if we do believe it to be true!
I can help you break free from the fear of failure and go after what’s next. Go to my site to schedule a free consult. And if you’d like to get periodic emails when I post a blog along with special updates from me, sign up below!