Oh relationships. All of the other people in our lives. If they would just do what we say, (or read our minds and just know what they should do or say), life would be amazing! Have you ever felt this way?

There are many events and seasons in our lives that can trigger us to re-evaluate the relationships we have (or that are missing). At midlife, especially if you have long-term relationships, you may be feeling like some of them are less than satisfying. “If he would only do this, or stop doing that,” you say, “Then I’d be happy!”

It’s so normal to look to those you’re in relationship with and pick out all the reasons why it’s the other person’s fault for how you feel. You try to get the other person to do or say certain things, or stop doing or saying them, because you think if they’d just change, things would be so much better. But as adults, people get to do whatever the heck they want. Always true. More importantly you give all your power away and become completely dependent on them when you need another person to change in order for you to feel better.

I ask you to really consider this, where are you trying to get another person to change – meaning wishing they would behave differently than they do (or in some cases changing how you behave to try and get them to change) – so that you could feel better? Such an incredibly normal thing to do, yet it just doesn’t work for genuine happiness and contentment. Nor does it work long-term, and in the meantime, you turn into a crazy-version of yourself as you get frustrated when they won’t comply. Have you noticed that?

Two quick side notes. 1. This doesn’t mean you don’t ask for things you’d like from another person. Certainly you can and should, but again know that they get to decide so don’t depend on them to change for how you feel. 2. Boundaries are an important part of relationships, and a topic I’ll talk about in future blogs.

But the truth is you can only ever control one thing – you. Starting with your thoughts, your feelings and your behaviors. You can try to control others, or spend your precious mental energy wishing someone would change. I wish it worked. But hear me again, it just doesn’t work! And leaves you feeling powerless and miserable.

So I want to challenge you on this. What if the other person changed absolutely nothing, and you could still feel amazing? Seem impossible? I promise you it’s not and I can show you how.

Go to my site to schedule time to meet with me and up-level your relationships in a way you never thought possible. And if you’d like to get periodic emails when I post a blog along with special updates from me, sign up below!