One common challenge I hear from the women I coach—especially after doing the last post’s exercise—is this: “I know I want something more, but I just can’t figure out what it is.”
In these instances, I usually find that their brains are running on autopilot (and have been for a while). They’re going through the day-to-day motions of what they believe is expected of them, without much intentional thought. They’ve forgotten how to think on purpose—how to dream, set goals, and hear their own voice beneath all the noise.
This happens when we ignore our own voice for a long time. It’s no surprise, however, because we’ve been programmed to listen to other voices for so long, we don’t even realize that’s what is happening. This is so common! If you think about it, it started way back in childhood when we were taught to listen to adults (parents, teachers, etc.). As adults, we’re bombarded with things to think and believe all day with advertisements, social media, and even the news.
The way our brains are wired, we’ll pick up on something we’ve heard or seen, whether in an ad, on T.V., from a parent, a coworker, or significant other. It can be a comment that was meant to be harmless, but our brains will pick it up and unconsciously think on it over and over. We’re not even aware it’s driving how we do things day in and day out.
Let me share how this showed up in my own life. I was restless as a young parent, even though I was finishing my MBA, working full time, and my husband and I had two small daughters to care for. I hadn’t yet fully “arrived” but had some success and could see myself on my way up in the corporate world. When I tried to explain this feeling of restlessness to my well-meaning counselor, I was sadly told that I’d better stop looking elsewhere for something to satisfy and just appreciate what I have.
Sadly, while I’m sure well-intended, it was terrible advice for me. I felt shame for wanting more, as if somehow my desire for more detracted from how much I loved and cared for my family. For years, I let her be the voice in my head (tamping down the adventurous side of me), all the while leaving a part of me feeling secretly miserable! Thankfully I figured out that there’s absolutely nothing that says if you love and appreciate and are grateful for what you have – that you can’t also want more.
It took me years before I even became aware that I was repeating her words in my mind, over and over every day. So it was really hard for me to pinpoint what was causing me misery. I had scripted my life around her belief. And this is so common! When we do this, it has implications in all areas of our life.
If you are a functioning adult, NOBODY but you know what’s right for you to think and believe. You get to decide. If you took me up on my last challenge and have been taking 5-10 minutes every day to write, great! If not, don’t worry, now’s the time to start.
For the next five days, jot down the top three thoughts that pop into your mind each day—no filtering, no judging. Just notice what’s there.
And if you’re ready to dig deeper, I’d love to help. You can book a free mini-session with me to explore what more looks like for you.